Have you ever felt so broken that you wanted to hurt someone? Under the bus is about relationship distress. The person causing pain by belittling and constantly undermining my value was really just a small person not worthy of my distress. It’s not pretty I admit, but for a single moment in the creation of this collage I was in control. I gotta say, “It’s NOT okay for you to disrespect me and treat me like a belonging! It’s not okay to treat me like I don’t matter!”
Keep Calm and [fill in the blank]. I think it is critical to take time to nurture my soul with people, places, and things that make me happy. Life is full of necessary obligations, going to work/school, running a business, paying bills, household chores, and more, but what is it that really makes me happy? I make a point of taking frequent trips to visit my family (in one of those southern states that is mostly warmer than where I live), because being with family is what makes me happy. It doesn’t hurt that my visits are sprinkled with sunsets, beaches, and sunshine, a bonus but not the ‘soul’ purpose of my visits.
What keeps you calm? Where is your “happy place”?
Who am I? Who do I want be? I made this collage quite a few years ago but find it is just as relevant today as it was back then. It makes me feel happy when I look at it. I am putting the storms behind me, growing and moving forward. The idea of a chrysalis being a protective covering, a sheltered state of being or growth. Sometimes I don’t feel very protected but I am not afraid. The storms are at my back as I look toward blue sky.
So how are you growing? Are you in the chrysalis state or the butterfly? Who do you want to be?
Once upon a time, my love went through a very dark time. He was lost in a sea of grief, sadness, guilt, doubt, and negativity. He was more than depressed, he was drowning in despair.
I felt like I was watching the self-destruction through a window, unable to reach him. I wanted to end his pain while he needed to feel it. I was distraught and sometimes angry as I watched him drown, refusing help. He needed to work through the pain on his own and I was not part of his process. And as much as I understood the reason, it very nearly ended us. Continue reading “Lifeboat”
There is a theme that I collaged about for quite some time…self-discovery. For years I lived as “someone else”. I was someone’s wife, someone’s mother, someone’s daughter. I lost myself in the roles of mother, daughter, and wife becoming the person I thought others expected of me but never developing just “me”.
Just before my 10 year high school reunion I was asked to write a paragraph about what I’d been up to since high school. I wrote a long paragraph but when I reread it I found there was nothing about “me” in it. I had written “my husband … and my children … but there was absolutely nothing about me. And to make matters worse, I didn’t have anything to say about myself either. That was when I knew I needed to do some self work to figure out who I was but I had no idea how to go about doing that. Continue reading “Who am I?”
This image caught my eye as I was thinking about a Mother’s Day post. At first I had to pause a moment to think about what this spiral staircase had to do with my feelings about motherhood. There is actually a lot more to this particular image than the stairs but I started thinking about motherhood being like climbing a very tall staircase. You don’t know where it goes, don’t know how tall it is or what obstacles you might encounter along the way. You have no choice but to get on it and start climbing because you are carrying another life with you. Later on you may not carry so much as support them along the way. There are times you make mistakes and falter but also joys and sometimes heartbreaks too. And no matter how scary it is on that staircase, even when you feel like you might fall, you just keep going. You are responsible for another life and nothing is more important than getting them to the top. Continue reading “Parenthood”
Hidden thoughts, feelings, and memories are communicated through symbols during a mask-making activity. When I created my first mask art piece, my children told me it was scary. Back then, I was extremely pleased with my completed mask because it had reveled a part of me I hadn’t known existed. I was still broken and having difficulty finding my voice when an accidental hair coloring incident left me with a brand new persona. Hot redhead had emerged and was getting a lot of attention. I remember looking at the woman in the mirror when the unexpected color appeared and thinking to myself, “I don’t know who you are, but I think I’m going to keep you.” I had not realized until I created this mask, that I was hiding behind the red hair because ‘she’ (the redhead) was somebody different than me, somebody that I wished I could be. She was fun, lively, exciting, and I didn’t know how to be that person. Continue reading “Masks We Wear”
So how this all started was with a picture in a magazine of this dark face with the moon in her eye. I was so drawn to that image and just had to have it. I know it might sound a little crazy but it is well documented that images have a strong connection to our soul. Well, my soul at that time was extremely distressed. I was going through a divorce, I was scared, broken, conflicted, and did I mention scared? Most of all I felt I had no voice.
I started researching imagery because it really bugged me that I was feeling such a strong connection to this image and didn’t know why. I wanted answers and well, some might think that seeing a professional would have been a good idea, but there was a huge stigma surrounding that in those days (at least in my head) and it just wasn’t my way. I really felt with a little work I could figure it out. That’s when I stumbled across using collage as therapy. So, I thought it was worth a shot because I really needed to fix myself or have a nervous breakdown which was not an option. Continue reading “Silent No More”