Once upon a time, my love went through a very dark time. He was lost in a sea of grief, sadness, guilt, doubt, and negativity. He was more than depressed, he was drowning in despair.
I felt like I was watching the self-destruction through a window, unable to reach him. I wanted to end his pain while he needed to feel it. I was distraught and sometimes angry as I watched him drown, refusing help. He needed to work through the pain on his own and I was not part of his process. And as much as I understood the reason, it very nearly ended us. Continue reading “Lifeboat”
There is a theme that I collaged about for quite some time…self-discovery. For years I lived as “someone else”. I was someone’s wife, someone’s mother, someone’s daughter. I lost myself in the roles of mother, daughter, and wife becoming the person I thought others expected of me but never developing just “me”.
Just before my 10 year high school reunion I was asked to write a paragraph about what I’d been up to since high school. I wrote a long paragraph but when I reread it I found there was nothing about “me” in it. I had written “my husband … and my children … but there was absolutely nothing about me. And to make matters worse, I didn’t have anything to say about myself either. That was when I knew I needed to do some self work to figure out who I was but I had no idea how to go about doing that. Continue reading “Who am I?”
I collected images of storms. I tore the paper and scribbled my feelings. I was fighting for my life trying to get doctors to help me fix the “something” that was wrong in my body. I went to a doctor with my symptoms – got blood tests and medication (that didn’t help) and was told to come back in 6 months. Eventually I found a doctor who not only believed my symptoms, but could help. A myriad of tests and 3 biopsies later, I finally had my answer. The big ‘C’! The word that changed my life.
Continue reading “The ‘C’ Word”
Hidden thoughts, feelings, and memories are communicated through symbols during a mask-making activity. When I created my first mask art piece, my children told me it was scary. Back then, I was extremely pleased with my completed mask because it had reveled a part of me I hadn’t known existed. I was still broken and having difficulty finding my voice when an accidental hair coloring incident left me with a brand new persona. Hot redhead had emerged and was getting a lot of attention. I remember looking at the woman in the mirror when the unexpected color appeared and thinking to myself, “I don’t know who you are, but I think I’m going to keep you.” I had not realized until I created this mask, that I was hiding behind the red hair because ‘she’ (the redhead) was somebody different than me, somebody that I wished I could be. She was fun, lively, exciting, and I didn’t know how to be that person. Continue reading “Masks We Wear”
So how this all started was with a picture in a magazine of this dark face with the moon in her eye. I was so drawn to that image and just had to have it. I know it might sound a little crazy but it is well documented that images have a strong connection to our soul. Well, my soul at that time was extremely distressed. I was going through a divorce, I was scared, broken, conflicted, and did I mention scared? Most of all I felt I had no voice.
I started researching imagery because it really bugged me that I was feeling such a strong connection to this image and didn’t know why. I wanted answers and well, some might think that seeing a professional would have been a good idea, but there was a huge stigma surrounding that in those days (at least in my head) and it just wasn’t my way. I really felt with a little work I could figure it out. That’s when I stumbled across using collage as therapy. So, I thought it was worth a shot because I really needed to fix myself or have a nervous breakdown which was not an option. Continue reading “Silent No More”